so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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