Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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