he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
