You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
