I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
