I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
