Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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