Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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