I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wish you could order shots online.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
