it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
