hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
