I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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