Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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