My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
