please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
