Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
