In the future we'll all be gay
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
what the fuck happened to the tacos
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
