I accidentally had phone sex last night
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
