My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I got inside last night via doggy door
not ubering you a puppy
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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