Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
