He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
