ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
