between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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