She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
