we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
