are you still at the devil's house?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Someone came in the potted fern
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
