I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He has the fingertips of a God
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
