i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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