I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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