dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
