You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
