We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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