Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
