Just fell off a train. Bad.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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