Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
