he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
