sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
