Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
