Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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