GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
