I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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