The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she told me i tasted like america
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
