Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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