If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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