then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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