it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
