it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
How external is "for external use only"?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
