I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
