but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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