Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
