Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
