Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
