Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
