I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
