This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
