I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
