I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
