Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize