I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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