I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
