If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
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She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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