OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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