My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
