you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
