Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
