haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
