So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
