I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
the liver wants what the liver wants
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
