dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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